i dont know what's more tragic.

that i am inefficient at the wrong time? or what.
im due for appraisal, now.
when i just screwed up at the event.
when i showed so many signs of incompetencies.
my life has never been this great (:

and my gut still hurts when i eat chocolate.
maybe i should start collating a list of bad things for 2010.


found it funny.
how you tried to talk more, when i thought the conversation was over.
how i found it comforting to talk to you when i was feeling down.
felt it was ok to laugh and mock at myself in front of you despite me feeling upset.
felt it was alright for you to rub it in further and how i attempted to suan you back.
that it was such a friendly relationship we have, something that i wont think about having with others.

on my end, i think that everything's great, that i found a good friend in you.
but on your end, so long you know your own limit, im cool. lets see, maybe one day the night cliques will unite together. but that, would be a very long way to go.

and thanks, for being there. each time when i had something bad thrown into my face.


still finding it hard to adapt to the realisation that i clique better with casual smokers.
maybe it is just a coincidence.
maybe its just meant to be.




singtel screwed up, sorta.
told them to deliver my sim card between 6-10, but strictly after 7pm.
reached home 6.40pm, note stuck on my door, they were here at 6.20, no one was home.
called the number written, no one's working.
singtel sourced the delivery out to singpost.
therefore singpost screwed up on behalf of singtel. hurray.
was so eager to get my number working again, only to find out that no, i've got to wait for another day :( miss my number.


as much as i'd like to keep it friendly, please dont make me feel guilty talking to you at night.
i want an early night. good night, the unfriendly world.

Labels: and, complain, KU, random, work

--------------------

so we didnt make it past our first month anniversary.
we havent had a picture of us both taken.
we've never spent enough time together with each other.

but why do i still feel a sunken dread when i realised you're gone forever?
i failed to activate my mobile tracker, that was stupid of me.
i failed to protect you like how i promised i would, that was negligent of me.
i failed as an owner.
i am a failure.


sigh.
2 phones, 3 months.
secret. corby pro.

this year doesnt look too promising to me.

first the phone.
then the gastric
then the phone again.

i really wonder what's next.

--------------------

surprise!

i lost my phone again.
its another round of contacts wipeout.

nice.
just when i was feeling emo this morning.
merry xmas!

--------------------

so i finally had some me time.
was given time off to recoup a little, end up having a damage on my wallet.

early in the morning, settled some work.
and then i jumped off to start it "my" day.

paragon body shop
- a weak attempt to salvage my back. think the lady got scared, rofl. miss christine though, her massages were good, if not best amongst the other ive met. not much extractions done, but hey they've revamped their place. the bed's warm now :D nice. and i suppose yea the skin's smoother now, but the scar's gonna take a longgg time.
- bought my facial wash, brow pencil and some fucking expensive eye cream that i totally regret now. what was i thinking... man lets hope i can get it changed back.

soup spoon for lunch
- a tad too thick for my stomache, cldnt finish and threw half of it away.

browhaus @ wheelock
- fixed my brows, like FINALLY. and gave in to threading my upper lip. and signed a 5 session package for my brows. almost stepped over to strip to do a bikini, but wasnt prepared for it. maybe in a or two's time. we'll see

shopping @ wheelock
- bysi was having sale, tried some pieces on, hey the model they used has some reallly weirdass figure :(
- raining like hell, hopped over to ion.

shopping @ ion
- rip curl and bought a new set of bikini, I LOVE! heh heh.
- the rest were just plain walking and looking, nothing fantastic :x

rushed down to nsc
- doc was totally not helpful. does not take whining well. gave me a straight look when i started whining. didnt offer any other alternatives when i said i do not want anything with gastric side effects. so i decided to take on doc tan's suggestion instead.
- some lameass research doc was trying some eyebag research, sticky like hell. i regret being voluntary
- dispensary was slow. but i received great service this time.

shopping @ novena
- bought fruits, fcking hungry.
- cldnt find shades/shoes/wallet
- bought flowers for the woman at home
- bought my fav choco bread
- bought something for colleague
- almost took cab home, but no, i bussed instead.

it is a rather short day, but i suppose i enjoyed it (:
money spent could possibly be equivalent to how much my mood improved. had i been able to get myself another necklace, maybe, i could jolly well be another notch happier. now, my dilemma, when should i do this again? this has been one of the MOST constructive days ever in the last i-dont-know-how-many months shopping trip. had nsc not been planned, i would have went down to scavage through the oh-so-famous 4 levels worth of F21 @ 313. dang.

and, i saw many familiar faces.
like, the skinny ang mo @ tanah merah in the morning, nicholas (i think) & another girl from SIM, my course mate (not that i am 100% sure considering how often i am in class), the soup spoon waitress who used to work in the airport.


alright i know.
i need to take another off day soon, muahaha. another shopping centre, another round of haphazard spendings :D

nights world, thank you for being kind to me today. love you too!

Labels: ishop

--------------------

alright, so there's a couple of things i'd like to address.

1) nsc nurse hotline has a potentially insensitive nurse.
2) nsc nurse is not helpful.
3) nsc does not practice no wrong doors policy
4) nsc nurse does not have initiative.
5) nsc nurses are inflexible
6) nsc nurses basically are not customers oriented.
7) nsc nurse is fucking hum.

one phone call is all it takes.


so this was what happened on the phone call yesterday before i had my verbal vomit of self pity.
called in, explained about the pain and she checked my history.
"did you take the meds immediately after you finish eating?"
no, but after a short while. thats all.
"so you didnt take it right after you finish your meal ?"
no, like i said, i took it about 10-20 mins after i settled down after my meal.
"oh coz you're supposed to take it right after your meal, and drink a big glass of water"
but that wasnt told, i was only told to take it after meal, thats all.
"but they gave you the paper that tells you more about the meds"
yea they did, but i asked her to tell me what to look out for so i dont have to read it
" you're supposed have it immediately after the meal, and to sit upright for the next 30 mins"


fucktard, like i was aware that your dispensary did the best job in informing me about the side effects, that i was supposed to call the nurse counselling hotline to find out that i cannot sleep right after i take the medicine?!

okay, so i didnt. what what do i do now. im in pain everday. eating drinking swallowing hurts
"you want to give the medicine another try?"
no
"you really dont want to?"
no i dont want to go through the damn pain again
"but... we cant refund the money for the medicine"
no its fine, i am not asking for a refund. can you help me reschedule another visit? my nxt one is end of nxt mth
"uhhh you have to call the other hotline, this is the nurse hotline"
cant you book it for me or transfer"
"the appt line is another line"
ok fine, whatever thanks for nothing bye.


so, yes it is my fault that i am in pain.
i do not deny that i did not read the paper, but i do not believe that nsc didnt play a part in giving me all these shit. the more i think about it, the more i realised this nurse's a total idiot.

alright, need to refine my writing skills.
am so going to write a letter to nsc now.

Labels: body matters, complain

--------------------

call me observant, call me stalker.
rofl.

great observation & a good pat on my back
feeling sad for my friend. .
but hey, if this works, so be it.
or perhaps i made a mistake, perhaps, it was voluntary.
i wouldnt know, and i dont want to know.
nonetheless, it works both ways.


so i finally went to doc tan.
and it is the problem with the skin meds.
not my fault that i wasnt told to sit upright for the nxt 30mins after i took the meds.
not my fault that your dispensary peeps didnt tell me what i really needed to know when i said i dont wanna read your brochure, just tell me what ineed to know.
not my fault that the doc of the day told me, very few people suffered from the sideeffects.

and you bloody insane woman actually asked if i wanted to take it again!?
like to give it a try again?!
seriusly?
well, i forgot you arent the one in pain.
i forgot you werent the person who scared half her friends thinking either she committed suicide or that she really is dying.
i forgot you werent the doc who prescribed me the meds
i forgot you werent the dispensary idiotic person.
i am sorry, i am at fault.
i am an idiot and i am the one suffering.

i hate gastric problem.
no more solid food until i am fully recovered :(



fatt tsoi is an idiot.
like totally an idiot.
whatever *rolls eyes*



one more day at work tomorrow, and im off to rest on monday.
hurray.

Labels: body matters, hker, KU, random, work

--------------------

omg can you believe it?
im home!
like yes! 7pm and i am home.
not 10, not 2, not 8, but SEVEN!
omg magical number.

but alas, forgot to do something for tmr, guess i may be returning back to the office in abit :x

oh wells. at least i was home.
at least im showered wayy before my usual time.

i still feel terrible.
but instead of the stomache/esophagus, its now the chest.
feels compressed, suffocated, and in pain.
i hope this doesnt last till sat. i really want to hang out on sat! backup no backup, i'll see to that.


and dammit. everything always happens together.
it is such a coincidence, but i really am crossing my fingers that it is not taken the wrong way. we'll se we'll see.


DOC TAN is an ass.
called him last night about 7.40pm about the heartburn.
me: doc tan, sorry not that i dont wanna go visit you, but im still stuck in my office and i feel terrible. im suffering from heartburn.
doc tan: *sugestsuggestsuggest* - dont ask me what, i cannot rem what he exactly said.
me: okay, so i'll just need to get those and i'll be fine?
doc tan: yea.. etcetc
me: omgg its 740 and im still working!
doc tan: thats nothing ma, im also working.
me: but you got to rest from 2pm to 7pm!
doc tan: hahahah. ya keep up the hardworking spirit. this is what young people like you should have.
me: OKAYBYE.

-_-" seriously?!
no "oh you shouldnt work so late and have regular meals"
no " oh really, okay quickly finish up and go home"
no "oh okay.."
but that!?
wtf.
DOC TAN, again i declare war against you! you do not have the compassionate heart that doc usually are supposed to haveeee.

ass.

Labels: body matters, haha, KU, random, work

--------------------

you know something's not right when you dont finish your dinner, and end up falling asleep on your sofa.
you know something's not right when you wake up with immerse pain in your chest.
you know something's not right when all you can think about is to get away from it all.
you just know it.

4 more days.
crossing my fingers that all will go well on thurs, and subsequently sat.
or else.
lanlansuckthumb submit letter liao.


something's eating inside me. burning me.
stupid acid. yes i atttempted suicide, but im still surviving.
heartburns sucks. i dont wanna get pregnant in future.

fucking intolerable.
wanna die, but cannot die. feels like my stomach/espohagus had been tied up together and tightened from time to time. as if something's gonna come outta my throat, but nothing does.
why am i not bulimic? it might be easier this way. less getting used to these purge-y feelings.

urgh.

Labels: body matters, KU, random, whines, work

--------------------

last night was ...
simply ...
lol.

tequila and johnny walker.
this being the first time im drinking them both.. aint all that bad.
didnt have any of my regular drinks, just becuase we were having some trouble finishing the bottles.

and when we finally almost did it, someone threw me out into the sea, and said i'd drink whatever he wants to drink. and tada, hennessey added to the tab, and a new member was created.



okay, pause, rewind.
lunch/dinner
caught hot summer days with bestie & fatt tsoi at PS.
individual stories were nice, teared for one. the super emo scene.
but when the last part was the piecing of the stories together - epic fail.

dinner was at some jappie restaurant.
reasonable.
and some stories were shared. no, i meant, some stories were dug out, after some staring and staring and staring. now at least half a story was shared. heh heh.

impromptu-ly asked if anyone would like to join me at night.
the positive response agreed and asked another friend along.

off to st james.
for some unknown strange reasons, there were ALOT of people last night.
downed one/two shots, mixed the rest of it. didnt allow myself to drink too much, but still i couldnt escape getting high. helped to take care of the pretty lady. and was thinking how on earth should i be entertaining the other gentlemen. rofl.

none needed.
they found their own fun, and became our entertainment.
even the positive responses agreed that these are "fierce" people.
i have no idea how many trays of shots did they clear, but it was probably sufficient to let her knock early. lol.

shook abit, didnt go out to dance, heard it was packed.
saw my long forgotten chun li. rofl, she changed her outfit! red checks now, i prefer her old outfit though.
kept biting and sucking on ice, the only way to keep myself sane.


still thinking if i've made the wrong decision to go last night, but nonetheless, it was fun.
head was spinning, my legs were hurting. and hey, i learnt some new stunts! ROFL.



the recontact did set my mind off track a little. made me less oriented.
some words kept swimming my mind when i attempted to understand.
something tells me that this coming week will not be easy for myself. important work and messy mind do not go together.


time to pull myself together using the power of chocolates :P

Labels: ?, club, emo, leung, movie

--------------------

right, last night was a record setter.
2.30am.
thats the time that we left the bloody office.

well at least we had sushi for dinner - foc.
still.
stupid invites.
stupid printer.
stupid everything, including me.


wasnt too pissed or what. was sorta enjoying it while i was at it.
but when i look back now, it just irked me. to have stayed till so late, to have printed so many copies, to have wasted so much ink and paper. but this is what happens if we want to do things in house. *shrugs.

felt somewhat comforted to know that my colleague likes me enough to want to be in the same company as me. as in, when or should i go, that we apply to the same company and tell the interviewer, either you employ both or none. haha. such kids, but somewhat made me feel good. that people likes me! yay!

whatever it is, no. NO MORE 2.30AM!!!!
i simply just cannot use my mind all the way till that time. gah.
i better get my timeoff.

Labels: KU, whines, work

--------------------

day and night have lost its meaning to me. i dont rem which day is it everyday, my bio clock is all messed up. i only know i wake up for one proj, and sleep thinking abt it. its nt even constructive thinking- thats the most annoying part. its the words fourth ave that revolves ard my mind, when i try to drill into what are the things ive left out, i just cant concentrate.

feels like ive walked to a fog, cant see where im going, just trying to figure out whats going on.

urgh. its such a frustrating feeling!


work aside, first post via corbypro :)

--------------------

so it was another long day.
yes its over.
but no, my nightmare aint.

tomorrow's another long day.
wish friday wouldnt come so soon, ive one day lesser to have things completed :(

i ish worried about nxt thurs, and also nxt sat. no one's rsvping.
everyone's worried.
i am fucking scared.
small boss signages = exterior she bao.
boss pr = thurs she bao.
i collaterals and marketing = sat i bao.

so if sat numbers no good, im prolly fired.
i will possibly be chewing on my last good fingernail soon :(
scary shit work does to you.


i ish suffering from ergophobia, i think.
rofl.

Labels: KU, work

--------------------

so i screwed up at work.
so i forgot about a deadline, and almost missed a good opportunity to advertise our good brand.
so i came up with somewhat a solution, refined it hoping to save my own ass.
so someone else had to point out that this isnt suitable, and therefore reaching a chaotic situation.
so boss was out of the office.
so the agency wasnt able to help because this is something that already had been done.
so i really screwed up.


so yes, boss said we could do with less excitement. note the heavy sarcasm.
so yes i screwed up.
sorry world.

and then the whole entire day was spent on just this one item alone. everyone was in a mess, sorry.


i had to wind down.
i had to meet friends.
i had to keep my mind away from work.

off to orchard central to meet jan and val.
mussel guy or something.
first time at that place, town now look so foreign. i've totally no idea where orchard central was. felt totally like a tourist.
2 grouchy girls, but hey, with food we're good.
randomly crapped about things.
shopped at urban writing, didnt feel the urge to buy anything unforch. therefore stepped out empty handed.

got home.
fbed. rofl.
eh same same but different. HAHAHAH.


as much as i would hope to have told you earlier, i shared the same worries as you.
the three promises - i'll keep.

Labels: KU, random, sim 36th, work

--------------------

work started from 9am, and ended at 8.59pm.
12 hrs long.
fuck. my eyes are staring themselves out.

i need sleep, desperately.


and omg, i didnt realise it was your birthday this week!
why is everything so wrong when it was all just right. urgh.
i kept saying i'll make it up to you, but i never had a chance.
when im free, you're not. when you're free, im seldom available.
i have had some plans before, but it didnt quite work out.
urgh!




and i need to find out who my cute friend is.
my curiosity is getting the better side of me.
or maybe, this is the normal things in life that is keeping me sane.
friday night, yes no. i cant decide. not yet.
it is a night for bad music, but it would be nice to see you again. its been awhile sir.

alright, time to get some sleep.
can my data plan be activated already?! ~!@#$%()!~!@

Labels: KU, work

--------------------

to you,

the one who had probably stopped reading, i'll give it a try nonetheless.

i didnt mind you reading, quite frankly speaking. i only wanted to know if you are. it doesnt change anything. this is still my life, my thoughts, my everything. i wouldnt change just because one additional person is reading. i just needed to know.

i dont know if reading my blog helped you feel more secure about things. had i been in your shoes, i would probably had done the same thing too.

anyway, now that everything's somewhat sorted out, all's cool.
life goes on. and yes, welcome to my boring life (:

sincerely,
me.

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